19 July, 2023: The New Room, and More...

Things have improved somewhat since my first blog post. My tailbone is killing me, I ran into the side of a Silverado on my bike. It was insane, I was absolutely wasted by that truck (and my lack of attention). I had just gotten off work, so as I'm getting up and trying to clear the intersection I hear a yell from a different truck "Aye man you alright?" and it was a coworker. I yell "my bad" and think that's that. Anyways, the man speeds off as I'm recuperating so I figure "Well, that's Pensacola for you" and I go on my way. later, at the gas station I'm on the phone with a mate and considering grabbing a case of beer. My coworker shows up and says "Hey man, he's across the street on the phone. I think he's calling the cops." My first thought is to ditch the now-bent bike and get out of there. But imagine being charged with a hit and run on a bike? So I go back, and the man is indeed across the street and on his phone. We make eye contact, and I go to cross the street - at the crosswalk of course, because I'm not going to get got twice in one day. As I'm waiting, he pulls away again. So... I guess that is that. I am currently out on bail and about to sign papers. No thank you to all of that. I tried (sort of).

In better news, I have a new place that I pay rent for! Yes, I am officially not homeless. I am renting a room in a house off W Jordan and it is nice. Fixer upper for sure, but I am paying 440/mo (Hoping to get it down to 240/mo after I paint some rooms each month). That is for utilities, equal access to the house, everything. And I have my own half bathroom. I have not been satisfied with a rental rate since my 625/mo one bedroom in Milton (which, by the way, is 1100 or so a month now. A year later. New paint, old cockroaches). Today I have a mind to finish patching some drywall, paint my trim, paint a sit in room, and do a few fixups. I want to get those strip lights but I don't think it'll be worth the hassle until after I repaint my walls. Hopefully I can keep an upward trajectory. I don't want to mess up anymore.

I've been drinking quite a bit lately. Just at night and I'm debating whether to cut out liquor. A month ago, when I was released from jail for hopefully the last time, I resolved to pick my vices. I'm not going to delude myself and say I'll cut out everything, but just tobacco and alcohol? That's a starting point. So far so good. I am going to NA to stay off the hard stuff, which helps a lot. I really want to get the keychain things, but I'd feel like a real asshole if I got those and was still drinking. I eventually need to cut out alcohol all-together but like I said, one step at a time. In fact, one inch at a time. I am so happy that I'm not guzzling cough medicine and doing ice - that is enough for me. Anyways, that's really all that's gone on in the past week. I got a new Magnavox CRT set (with the remote! And the DVD player inside it works! YAY!). When I think of how much I've done in just a month, it makes me happy. It isn't for nothing, and if I can do this I can do more. I just need to keep out of my self loathing. It's like a drug. Hating yourself and giving up is like a drug. Anybody can do nothing, but it takes effort and resolve to do something. I can muster up enough effort and resolve to do something, perhaps even anything. I need to stop willfully forgetting that. Until next time.

- Kain Humphries, 19 Jul 2023 (From the new place off W Jordan St.)